Dear Gap Inc,
If I were being honest with myself, I would admit that I never planned on committing my life to you. I always knew in the deepest part of my heart that one day we would say good-bye for good. But I didn’t think it would happen like this. I envisioned walking out on you with my head held high, on my way to bigger and better things. I never imagined that you would be the one leaving me starved for attention, like you want me out of your life but you can’t even be bothered to tell me to my face. Sometimes I feel like you’re manipulating me into breaking up with you.
It’s true that our relationship has had its ups and downs. We’ve been on-again-off-again over the last four years, sometimes you begging me to come back, while at other times I’ve run willingly into your arms, secure in the warmth of your polyester-cotton blend hug. But lately, I can’t be sure that you won’t cancel our date, or that part way through an evening together, you won’t decide to call it a night. Looking back on our time together, I realize that I’ve never been fully sure of your love.
However, things between us haven’t been all bad. You’ve always been generous with me, allowing me to pay for your offerings at discounted prices. You were there for me through the late nights and early mornings. During tough times, you provided for me, and for that I’ll always be thankful. And you remained faithful to me, even when I decided to see other people. You never complained that I kept you on the side, as a sort of mistress to visit as little as once a week.
So why now, when I need you the most, have you simply abandoned me? I don’t understand the game that you’re trying to play! Sometimes you want to see me three or four times in a week, but then you’ll go two weeks or more without calling! You’ve become so unreliable, and I just can’t continue without being certain that you’re committed to me.
I’m not sure what I’ve done to make you treat me this way; I’ve always tried so hard to please you. It’s clear you no longer appreciate me, so I think it’s time to go our separate ways. It’s not easy for me to say this, but I think I’m going to start putting myself out there again, introducing myself to desirable people with the hope that they might want to get to know me. You might call me desperate, but remember, you’ve driven me to this point.
So goodbye, Gap Inc. It’s been a slice. You might see me around from time to time, but let’s just make this easier for both of us; just pretend you don’t know me. If I really want a piece of you that badly, I’ll pay full price.